Last year we got a hummingbird feeder. It wasn't just any hummin' bird feeder, it was The World's Greatest hummingbird feeder (at least that's what the company making this thing named it). It's really quite nondescript. It's a bottle that hangs upside down with a red base screwed to it that has six or eight holes in the base, along with a little perch rail that surrounds the red base. (Apparently, those hummingbird feeders that don't have the perch rail are very inconsiderate of the fact that hummingbirds are constantly... I mean CONSTANTLY flapping their tiny wings -- just watch them!) In fact, if you don't have The World's Greatest feeder like I do, you'll only be seeing these little birdies flap flap flapping. The perch rail gets them to shut up and sit for a whole few seconds while they suck.
So, as secret keeping goes, hummingbirds are absolutely *horrible* at keeping secrets. How do I know this- you might rhetorically ask? Well... I did just a tiny bit of searching online for hummingbird feeders (mostly to see how poorly all of the other 'non-worlds greatest feeders' might look) and to my surprise, there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of different designs, shapes, prices (Wow! $90 for a hummingbird feeder?!-- and for a feeder that's not the World's Greatest?! Yikes-- Some feeders are pricey). The sheer large number of hummingbird feeders available makes it absolutely clear to me that hummingbirds must be the world's worst secret keepers.
Think about it. A bottle. Hanging upside down, which I fill with a sugar water concoction and hang under the roof of my house, just outside my kitchen window gets noticed as interesting? By a bird? Some feeders try to replicate flowers. Others, like the world's greatest, don't even have to go there. No flowers, no designs. They just KNOW that hummingbird's can't keep secrets.
So here's how it must go. Bruce, the hummingbird, is hungry. He incredulously notices a clear bottle hanging outside my kitchen window. Bruce investigates. (He really digs the perch rail.) Bruce sits down and sucks and then flies away to work where he spends time as a light machine operator in HWU 248 (hummingbirds *obviously* can't operate heavy machinery, and those that are tired of sweat shop oppression have unionized. Bruce is part of Hummingbird Workers Union 248). Bruce, *dumb* Bruce, can't keep a secret about something that would clearly benefit him if he did (more juice for him). He immediately tells other humming birds at work about his SWEET FIND. This thing, not even a flower, has suckable stuff!
Just watch a feeder for a few minutes, and you'll see evidence of exactly what I'm talking about. Elliot decides to check out this thing that he heard Bruce all chirping and flapping his wings about. After getting lost and distracted by the beautiful flowers at the Hunsaker's, Elliot makes the proper turn into my back yard and finds the thing. To Bruce's utter dismay and shock, when he flits into my yard after a short 3 minutes on the job (union rules say no more than 3 consecutive minutes operating the machinery) he finds ELLIOT --eyeballs deep-- in the thing. Bruce is TICKED OFF and feels a mad desire to chase Elliot around the yard and away from the thing. THE THING that was *his* special find.
Well... guess what? Elliot tells Spencer, Lucy, Mike, and Reid Thornton Jr., even when it's in Elliot's best interest NOT to, and what ensues is nothing other than a hummingbird melee out back, with each bird claiming the thing as their own. Amusing? Yes. That's why there are so many hummingbird feeders. Pitiful and sad that secrets can't be kept? Sure. If you don't believe me, get a feeder and watch it out your window yourself.
Hummingbird's can't keep secrets.
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2 comments:
Where do you get all this stuff from?
I don't know... Honestly, the 'stuff' is everywhere. It's like I mention in my personal description. It's a little bit like putting a magnet in a sandbox. You don't realize how much iron is in a sand box until you drag a magnet through the sandbox. Then, out of nowhere, there are iron filings collecting on the magnet. Try it sometime if you haven't done it, and you'll get a little bit of what I mean. There is stuff all over to write about. At first you don't see it, until a magnet pulls it out. It's fun to write about all kinds of weird stuff. It's just there!
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